To have a CV like Joseph… not really desirable in the world’s eye but quite something from God’s perspective. The most unfair and awful things happened in his life, yet nowhere do i see any whining, complaining, or losing faith, hope or purpose. Just steadily getting on with life. Actually doing his utmost. No trying to get out of being a slave, no escaping from prison, just rolling up his sleeves and getting the job done. In fact at the end he even said to his brothers “You meant it to harm me, but God meant it for good and to save many lives.” Quite something.
My life hasn’t exactly been moonshine and roses and so i have contemplated Joseph’s a lot. Wondering how he did it. Wondering if he cried himself to sleep? Or bemoaned at the very least his plight to God when no one was about? Could it be that he just forgave and accepted the way things were?
I think in my mind at times acceptance looked like weakness. You just roll over and die. I am more of the fighter than the roll over type. I believe that if i am still fighting it’s not over. But this morning God showed me that by not accepting things and keeping on fighting it served no purpose - it kept me in turmoil. Not all situations call for fighting. And this is one of them.
I am not trying to say don’t fight when that is required, it’s more in my case that I cannot believe this has happened to me. I try to reason it out, asking why, how, when and where. I try to protect myself with denial. I fight the stigma if i do go one way and I fight with the pain if I don’t.
A long time ago i wrote in a blog and said In acceptance there is peace. And this is where God led me back this morning. I need to stop saying over and over that i cannot believe this is happening to me. It did. And it has. So, forgive. Let go. Accept. Move forward. My next step is to release myself from this torture chamber i have built for myself. Acceptance here is not rolling over and dying, it is a brave act. And i need to move forward.
I have spent the last 2 months and more so the past 40 days intently working on forgiveness, but everyday something new comes to mind. It is time to accept. To let go. To be free. To trust God.
In a sermon this weekend the pastor was talking about a puzzle. He said sometimes being in pieces has a purpose. And that gives me hope. I am certainly in pieces but God has a purpose. And so I let go and trust my Father. I accept.
Bella
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